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AROUND THE FARM WITH ELFIE: Chapter 11

1/30/2021

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It did not take long for Elfie to get his wish.  New Year’s Day started out with a covering of ice.  It was slick outside and even the ducks had a hard time getting around.  Soon, large flakes of snow started to fall.  I guess Elfie was feeling pretty hungry as he thought the snow looked like the ground had been covered in frosted flakes.  We decided it was best to get something to eat before heading out into the snow.
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Between the weight of the ice and snow, several branches had fallen.  Elfie was more than happy to jump in and help me with clean up.  After clearing the roadway, we decided we better check fences to make sure there would be no cow escapes.  
Elfie climbed a tree to look as far west and as far east as his eyes could see.  No limbs down on the fence, so we decided it was as good of time as any to play in the snow.  Elfie and Dottie Jewel had a grand time playing hide and seek in the white fluff that covered the farm. Fortunately, elves wear brightly colored clothing so they are highly visible, especially in snow which is a constant at the North Pole.  Despite their vibrant colored outfits, I had trouble keeping track of the two darting in and out of snow piles. 
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​I had to call Farm Dogs on Guard to help me keep an eye on these two as they played.  Farm Dogs on Guard sent Zak over right away.  He did an excellent job making sure the two elves were safe from hawks, foxes and other critters who might find an elf a delightful treat on a wintery day.  
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​While we were out, Elfie checked out another housing unit that might be suitable for him to stay over the summer.  Dottie Jewel thought it was nice and he would have a good view of the cows, but now that she had traveled from Joplin, she wanted to travel some more.  She liked meeting new elves, new people, new animals, and seeing new places. Traveling sounded good to her. We decided to head back to the house to have a family discussion. 
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​Before heading inside Dottie Jewel and I gathered eggs and Elfie held the gate for us as we headed inside.  While Elfie and Dottie Jewel snacked on three Kit Kat bars, a cup of hot chocolate, fourteen raisins, two butter cookies and a mound of fresh coconut, we had a family talk.  Elfie had proven himself to be somewhat responsible. We agreed he had some things to work on, but what better way to see the world than traveling with his cousin.  Who knows what adventures lay ahead for the two?  We thought about taking a dart and throwing it at a map, but Elfie was not strong enough to throw the dart any farther than a couple inches.  Then Dottie Jewel suggested that they contact family and friends.  That way they will have someone to help watch over them.  We all agreed this sounded like the perfect solution.  
​Not long after our big talk, Elfie and Dottie Jewel were helping me water the house plants.  They had so much fun climbing around the plants.  They pretended like they were lost in a giant forest and wondered what magical creatures they might meet.  It was then that it dawned on me where Elfie and Dottie Jewel should head for adventure, education, and vacation.  Both elves were so excited they did a summersault.  Well, truthfully, Elfie tripped over a plant leaf and fell, but it looked a lot like a summersault.  
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It was hard to see Elfie and Dotti Jewel go.  I have become overly attached to the little guy and his cousin.  I can only imagine it is a lot like sending a kid off to college or overseas for exploration.  All the farm animals gathered to wish the two a merry journey.  They promised to write and send pics on occasion so we can keep up with their adventures.  We look forward to their return, but until then…. Happy Trails Elfie and Dottie Jewel.
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The End.
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AROUND THE FARM WITH ELFIE: Chapter 10

1/30/2021

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​To say Elfie was excited about Christmas, well, that would be an understatement.  It was impossible to settle him.  Up and down the Christmas tree, running from window to window in search of any sightings of Santa and his reindeer.  I did get him to sit down with me for a few minutes as I read him a story.  Elfie loves stories and reading; he helped me turn the pages as we read about Frosty the Snowman.  Elfie said he hoped we would have snow for Christmas as he loves to play in the snow. 

By now it was getting pretty late.  I finally decided to just let Elfie stay up after all; it was Christmas.  Living on a farm meant I had chores to do in the morning, Christmas or not, so I headed off to get some shut eye.  It seemed like I had barely fallen asleep when I heard voices in the living room.  I opened one eye as if that would help me to hear better.  Elfie’s laughter traveled down the hallway like sunshine riding a rainbow.  I could tell by his voice that Santa was here.  I closed my eye and drifted back to sleep.  

​Come morning, I expected to find Elfie asleep under the Christmas tree, but as I approached, I could hear the happy chitter chatter of two voices.  Elfie’s eyes lit up as he sprung to his feet to introduce me to his cousin from Joplin, Dottie Jewel.  It seems she had caught a ride with Santa so she could spend time with her favorite big cousin, Elfie.  Both were as giddy as could be because they had not seen each other in a while.  Elfie could not wait to show off his box of Chocolate- covered cherries that Santa brought for him.  He could not think of anything better and was even excited to share with Dottie Jewel and the rest of us.  I applauded Elfie for his generosity as we all know sweets are an Elves joy of all joys—that and making toys, but sweets are a way to an elf’s heart.  ​
​The days between Christmas and New Year were filled with fun and games.  Elfie enjoyed showing his cousin around the farm and introducing her to all the animals.  With the excitement of having Dottie Jewel to hang out with, Elfie asked if he could have a New Year’s party and invite some friends to meet his cousin.  I decided why not, how many friends could Elfie have and what trouble could they really get into?  Well, now I have learned not to ask myself such silly questions.  Apparently, Elfie is like some sort of influencer having made friends with everybody and anybody under the sun.  I peeked my head in a couple times just to make sure everything was going okay.  
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​Long about midnight, I heard some sort of crash! Best I can tell by the pictures his friends posted on their social media pages, Elfie drank a little too much maraschino cherry juice, climbed onto the windchime attached to the ceiling fan and well, —let’s just say things didn’t go all that well.  Elfie has now ditched any plans to become a professional bull rider.  

​Needless to say, Elfie, Dottie Jewel and their friends had a fun time ringing in the new year dancing around the Christmas tree, banging on pots and pans and cheering “HAPPY NEW YEAR” into the starlit sky as a coyote or two joined in on the chorus. 
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To be continued…
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AROUND THE FARM WITH ELFIE: Chapter 9

1/16/2021

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I can’t stay long. Elfie has drank all the maraschino cherry juice from the jar and is currently singing Auld Lang Syne at the top of his lungs, while swinging from the windchimes under the ceiling fan. I’m sure we’ll have a story to share some time tomorrow. Until then, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
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NOTE: Elfie is a professional elf with extensive acrobatic training. Please do not attempt to swing from your ceiling fan windchimes at home or elsewhere for that matter....tonight or any night.

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Around the farm with Elfie: Chapter 8

12/30/2020

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Elfie has gathered some of his farm animal friends for a boisterous Christmas Eve sing along as we anxiously await Santa’s arrival.

I am pretty sure I got things straightened out with the big guy in red after I had a stumble or two that had me on the naughty list. Elfie put in a good word for me with the big guy because they go way back. His negotiations with Santa on my behalf only cost me my stack of pancakes, three chocolate chip cookies (homemade made by our neighbors), sixteen mini marshmallows, four orange sherbet ice creams on a stick, a jar of jelly, a mini loaf of banana nut bread, and eight mini snicker bars. 
​Thank goodness we bartered before my gift of fudge from my friends in California was delivered. You should of seen his eyes bulge out of his head when he saw my homemade gift of fudge from Barbara!! Not to worry, I am sharing with him and Grandma Jo...However I did put the tin of fudge someplace safe so Elfie doesn’t go overboard on the sweets. I am trying my best to look out for the little man (Wink, Wink).
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​We all got a good laugh as we unwrapped a new ornament for the tree.... a carton of EGGS! It reminded us of Elfie’s little mishap last week as he tried to lift a ginormous egg with his back and not his knees (like I told him to do). Anyhow, with proper rest, care, and a delicious breakfast of farm fresh eggs...Elfie has developed a true love for eggs and continues working on his slight fear of chickens. His encounter with Joleen was something he will not soon forget. On occasion I may or may not walk up behind him and holler, BAWK, BAWK! Oh my gosh, I had no idea that elves could jump so high. I consider it part of his cardio workout. Even elves got to stay in shape. 
Another new ornament this year is a beautiful handmade wire dove by Dodie. Elfie was super excited to add this to the tree. He said it brings him peace and joy. I caught him trying to feed the wire dove, reindeer feed in hopes that the dove would start flying around the living room. Gotta hand it to him, he is pretty clever.

Elfie wanted me to wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas. He needs to get back to bringing cheer for all to hear as he is staying up to usher in the big day or 9:00 pm....whichever comes first because he still has a bedtime even if it is Christmas Eve.

Wishing GOOD CHEER to ALL!!

To be continued...


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Around the farm with Elfie: Chapter 7

12/30/2020

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The closer we get to Christmas; the more excited Elfie becomes. Some would call him hyper; I think it’s just part of the holiday mischief that overcomes elves as the hustle and bustle of the big day approaches.
Of course, living in the country, hustle and bustle aren’t really part of our vocabulary...it’s more like mosey and move along little doggie. Between my mom and I, our big excitement every day is seeing how many eggs we collect. Yesterday it was ten, and to be honest we both did a little hooting and hollering. Elfie was less impressed until Grandma Jo...Which he now lovingly calls my mom, told him they could use the eggs to make cookies. That was a tone changer as Elfie danced a little jingle. He LOVES cookies and milk.
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Grandma Jo let Elfie know, before they could make cookies, she needed his help with wrapping presents. This made Elfie nearly delirious as he uses to help wrap presents at the workshop in the North Pole. Other than getting caught on the tape roll one or two times (actually thirty-seven times) Elfie did a great job and Grandma Jo was pleased to put presents for Brycen and Annabelle under the tree...Yes, not to worry, the big kids each got a present too.

All this wrapping of packages made Elfie extremely hungry and thirsty. We have been trying to watch the little guy as elves are known to overindulge, especially on sweets. We have all heard the stories of Buddy and know of his love for the sweets, especially candy, candy canes, candy corn and syrup. 
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​In life sometimes lessons are learned the hard way and that is exactly what happened for my mom and I as we left Elfie unsupervised in the kitchen for like twenty seconds (actually it was closer to five minutes). Grandma Jo had fixed Elfie a plate with cookies and had poured him 2 ounces of milk to drink and dip. We left Elfie happy and content watching Frosty the Snowman on television while I shut chicken houses for the night and Grandma Jo transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer. 
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Upon returning to the kitchen, we find that Elfie has eaten ALL the cookies except the two on his plate! He also filled his glass of milk to the very top, spilling the rest of it on the floor. Grandma Jo was not very happy as Elfie shouted out, “That’s why we have cats and dogs”! Grandma Jo furrowed her brow as Gypsy, Koda, Zak and Charlie G. Jefferson lapped up the spilt milk without hesitation. Elfie’s eyes twinkled just a little.

With Grandma Jo’s brow still furrowed and hands on her hips (the fake one and the real one), she said, “We made those cookies for ALL OF US”! Elfie, showing some remorse (extraordinarily little), grinned sheepishly while pointing to the saucer with two cookies, as crumbs fell from his mouth. Grandma Jo put Elfie on the spot by asking if he would of left us any cookies had we been gone longer? With this, Elfie took several big gulps of his milk and squeaked out a barely audible, “I’m sorry”. However, It was loud enough and with that, Grandma Jo unfurrowed her brow and forgave Elfie as she munched on a cookie, sipped some milk and they joined in chorus singing...Thumpety, thump, thump, thumpety, thump, thump, look at Frosty go. Thumpety, thump, thump, thumpety, thump, thump, over the fields of snow.
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To be continued...
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Around the farm with Elfie: Chapter 6

12/30/2020

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​Yesterday morning Elfie asked if he could go out exploring the farm on his own. I explained to him that it might not be the safest thing for him to venture out without me. A beautiful bald eagle has been spotted around the pond, coyotes and a bobcat have been captured on the game cam....and we know what the chickens are capable of.
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Like most elves his age, Elfie enjoys his independence but still needs the support of his family. It was decided that Elfie could use my phone to get an Uber since they have established door-to-door safety standards. For extra security measures we contacted “Farm Dogs on Guard”. They sent one of their top officers, Marilyn, to spend the day with Elfie and his Uber. With the additional security measures in place, Elfie was able to do a wider tour of the farm without me accompanying him. I felt confident, he was in good hands (Paws, Hooves...Whatever). 
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​The Uber app made it easy for Elfie to select the size ride he would feel most comfortable with. We felt the compact options were more fuel efficient but didn’t offer the safety features we were looking for. So, he settled on a mid-size SUV, which we later found out, stands for Sheepy Ultimate Voyaging. We were delighted to find out his driver would be Poppy. She has been moonlighting as an Uber driver since her summer job of mowing lawns has come to a halt until spring. Poppy stated that she does still operate a fertilizer business year-round and offers the Uber service between fertilizer application gigs.
It was noted on the app that Poppy has been known to stop along her Uber route and complete a fertilizing job, but she does her business and quickly moves on. Riders seldom complain as when booking a mid-sized SUV, they anticipate a slower paced mode of transportation. For riders seeking a somewhat faster, but still leisurely ride, Uber recommends a Granny or Gramps driver accustomed to partaking in Sunday drives.
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Looking at the app we could see Elfie’s ride was just two lawns away. He quickly packed a snack of peanuts and cola, then anxiously awaited Poppy’s arrival. She pulled right up to the door so Elfie could hop on. You should of seen the grin on his face. Elfie was so excited about his big day. Once Marilyn from Farm Dogs on Guard appeared, they were good to go. I watched as they headed off for a day of fun, waving bye with the tiniest of tears in my eye. I knew this was a special day. 
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​Wanting to stay in touch, I sent my mom’s phone with Elfie and told him to take lots of pics and touch base on occasion. The Uber app allowed him to send updates about his location and estimated time of arrival at each location they visited. Elfie was most impressed by the heated seats and spectacular view his Uber ride offered.
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With Elfie safely off on his adventures, I went about my daily chores. I must say, Elfie became proficient at selfies. Taking pics of himself constantly, he quickly became the Kim Kardashian of the elf world.
First stop was to check in on Dandelion and Buttercup. Elfie got a great shot of them as they wished him a most excellent day. After visiting his friends, it was off to Billy Bobs. He heard it was like Billy Gail’s in Branson...It was NOT. No food to be found at all. This was the perfect time to snack on his peanuts and coke while moseying along down a dirt path. 
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​Next, they headed out to pasture where domesticated cattle can often be found grazing the land. They were in luck; the domesticated cattle were nearby and not off over the hillside out of sight. Like a tourist at Yosemite, Elfie pressed his luck in trying to get a closeup with a domesticated cow. Marilyn, with Farm Dogs on Guard, felt the domesticated cattle were getting too pushy and it forced her into protection mode. This defensive behavior caused the domesticated cattle to back away, but not before Elfie got some great selfies. 
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​By this point in the day’s adventures, Elfie and his Uber driver were growing hungry. They decided to stop at a roadside hay stand for a little something to eat and a short nap. Having refueled, Elfie, Poppy, and Marilyn headed out to visit the giant Watering Hole, which is a major attraction to the local waterfowl who call it, The Pond. It is also known to draw in visitors migrating for the season. Elfie was super excited to stop here, as part of the Watering Hole was frozen over. It reminded him of his old home up North with Mr. and Mrs. Claus.

With a full day of fun behind him, Elfie punched in home as his final destination on his Uber app. What a day, what a day, what a day.
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To be continued...
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AROUND THE FARM WITH ELFIE: Chapter 5

12/16/2020

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​AROUND THE FARM WITH ELFIE
Part 5
 
After getting some much-needed bed rest, Elfie was feeling much better yesterday. We decided to take an art walk about the farm and do a little house hunting along the way.
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We started out with a nice hike and a visit to the “Painted Rock Park”. It is not listed as a National or even as a State Park on any website, but it is a favorite of all the locals. It is one park where painting on the rocks is encouraged. Elfie enjoyed climbing on the rocks until he spotted a spider sunbathing. We decided it was time to move along. 
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In chatting with Elfie, I discovered he really loves the farm and is thinking about coming out of the box permanently. He said the once-a-year time out of the box and on the tree really was not enough for him, so we went searching for other living arrangements since the Christmas tree only offers temporary housing. Elfie really liked the yellow bird house. Great views from all directions but it was in a highly populated area where gangs of chickens are known to frequent. After his incident with Jolene, Elfie decided this might not be the safest neighborhood for him.
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Next, we went to visit the “Purple Whirl” sculpture by Missouri metal artist Jessie Cargas. This privately owned outdoor art installation is a favorite for the owner and invited guest alike who appreciate art and the culture it brings to this small farming community. Public instillations of Jessie’s work can be found at https://www.weldmadeart.com/installations
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​By now Elfie was getting a little hungry. Since Grandma Jo introduced Elfie to farm fresh eggs, he cannot stop thinking about them. They are quickly becoming a favorite; they rank right up there next to cookies and milk. We decided it was time to head back to the main house for a sit-down meal. On the way back we passed a little cabin that had recently come onto the market when the mouse family moved to a larger residence where the rent was not controlled by the Feline Management Company. Elfie loved the rustic feel of the cabin, it reminded him a lot of his childhood home at the North Pole. The cabin is within easy walking distance from the pear tree, where he could dine when hungry and collect twigs for a fire since the cabin came with a chimney. (Barely visible in photo, but proof of a working fireplace)
 
Before heading back to the big house, Elfie met with the landlord, Charlie G. Jefferson and landlady, Pamela. It was then that he found out, monthly rental payments must be paid in catnip. Elfie was certain this would be in violation of the Santa “clause” he signed at birth when his parents smooshed his right foot onto an ink pad, then onto a piece of paper. It was then that Elfie was reminded, not only was he an Elf...but he was in fact...MOUSE SIZED. We decided that, even though Charlie G. and Pamela were fat on kibble, it was best that Elfie adhere to the rules and regulations of the Santa “clause” and not tempt fate.
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To be continued...
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Around the Farm with Elfie: Chapter 4

12/12/2020

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​Well, you know what they say...It’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.
Yesterday morning started out like any morning here on the farm. I was trying to get my outside chores done before the rain set in. I was in a bit of a hurry as I had to move hay for the cows, get bales tarped, pull fresh hay to pad down a nice bed for Poppy, unload the car and mix chicken feed. Not that I will melt in the rain, despite what my brother has told me for years. It’s just that doing chores dry is much more pleasant than doing them drenched.
Being a good sport, Elfie tagged along to help me as best as he could. We got some new hens about a month ago and they are starting to lay eggs...Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!!! Even the girls are shocking themselves, as you can see by the face on one of the Blue Plymouth Rock girls as she looks at her very first egg! 
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​Anyhow...Elfie climbed up into a nest box to help collect eggs. Next thing I know, I hear a small pop. Looked over, thinking Elfie my gut of broken an egg, but his back had gone out. I had cautioned the little man to lift with his knees and not his back, but in his haste to get the job done, he hurt himself. I quickly rushed Elfie and the eggs into the house. My mom said she would ice Elfie’s back and let him rest, while I finished chores. Leaving Elfie in capable hands, I headed back out to mix feed. 
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​As I’m mixing feed, my phone starts blowing up with text from the big guy himself. You know the big guy, the one in red....Santa! Apparently, Elfie snuck my mom’s phone while she was bringing him a heating pad to go with the ice. He texted the North Pole and filed a Workman’s Comp complaint against me for unsafe working conditions and lack of proper equipment. Apparently, he seen on tv that some farms have little chutes for the eggs to roll down once they are laid and they end up in some holding area where you can safely collect them. Anyhow, Elfie had lodged a complaint, I was getting a HUGE check mark on my naughty list and Santa wasn’t happy at all about having to deal with this during his busy season.... So, he gave me TWO naughty check marks. I was dumbfounded and horrified. In the matter of two days’ time, I had accumulated three naughty checks under my name. 
​I finished up my morning chores and headed into the house, nearly in tears. I told my mom about Santa’s text while Elfie napped under the Christmas tree. Being riddled with wisdom brought on by years as a parent, my mom came up with an idea that she thought might smooth Elfie’s ruffled feathers...So to speak. Once Elfie woke from his nap, mom asked if he was hungry. He agrees that he was rather famished after all the hard work he had put in this morning, but his back still pained him and he didn’t know if he could muster up the strength to rise from his bed. This is when my mom offered to let Elfie fry up that mean ole egg that hurt his back. You should have seen his eyes light up as he sprung from his bed. Ends up, vengeance is best served slightly salted and peppered with a side of muffin and sausage. By now Elfie was so energized about cooking breakfast that he forgot all about his back pain. It’s amazing how a simple egg served sunny side up can turn a frown upside down. It appears that a good hearty breakfast can cure what ails you, it sure cured Elfie and we didn’t even eat any bacon. 
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​After breakfast Elfie apologized for contacting Santa and filing a Workmen’s Comp complaint against me. I told him, all was forgiven, as mom handed him her phone to text Santa, clearing the air. After hearing how well Elfie is eating here, and that he really is having a grand time in the farm, Santa told Elfie he was erasing all three of my naughty checks! Hip, Hip, Hooray!!!

From around the farm...All’s well, that ends well.

​To be continued...
 
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Around the Farm with Elfie: Chapter 3

12/12/2020

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​Yesterday was such a beautiful day, perfect for getting some work done outside. After morning chores were done Elfie and I decided to tackle some bigger jobs around the farm. Elfie volunteered to run the dozer to push some feathers from the road. I asked if he had experience driving big equipment and he told me, back at the North Pole he would often drive the snowplow clearing a path for Santa’s sleigh for takeoff.
 
Up North Elfie would also plow paths through the snow for the reindeer so they could easily get from the barn to the garage where Santa parks his sleigh. Since we didn’t have any snow yesterday for Elfie to plow, he took it upon himself to clear the driveway of leaves (It was more like, A Leaf, but let’s not crush the elves spirit). 
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​Elfie did get a little nervous when he noticed Buttercup was stalking him. After the whole incident with Jolene, who can blame the guy. There really was no call for alarm as Farm Dogs on Guard were actively engaged in the “Pretend Sleeping” method of protection. The stealth mode for which these security guardians operate is impressive. All fowl maintained a respectable distance allowing Elfie to go about his task of clearing the driveway.
As Elfie worked the bulldozer, I headed into the garden to clear out the weeds. I had planted the garden mid spring and was hopeful for a bounty of fruit and veggies. I’ll never know if I planted the seeds too deep, not deep enough or if my crafty little chickens plucked and scratched each seed from its earthly bed. Alas, after weeks of tending my garden I had but one sprig of lettuce to show for my efforts. Thus, all thoughts of a glorious garden were abandoned and the ground left to sit fallow. 
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​While I went on about my merry way this summer, so did the weeds. They sprung forth from the somewhat questionable fertile ground and flourished. So as Elfie dozed the drive, I went about taming the garden of weeds. These were not your regular run of the mill weeds; these were monstrous weeds and proved to be a formidable opponent. I chopped down this spiny creature and tossed it onto a pile to burn, however it had second thoughts and sprung back towards me with the speed of a jack rabbit being chased by a coyote. This was an educational moment for me, lesson learned the hard way, why you should wear gloves when working with gigantic spiny weeds. My language brought Elfie to a stop. From nowhere he pulls out a pad of paper and pencil. He begins writing feverishly a note to Santa. I apologized profusely, but Elfie explained an infraction is an infraction and must be reported. Yikes!
 
Since things had heated up literally and figuratively, I asked Elfie if he wanted to change into shorts as I was starting to sweat...not sure if it was the warm temps or a reaction of fear that I might get coal in my stocking. Anyhow, Elfie explained that Elves cannot wear shorts because their legs are so white it causes confusion for those of us in the United States. We think we are seeing the northern lights, when it’s really just the flash of some elf changing out of one pair of striped pants into another. This definitely cleared the aurora, I mean air, for me.
All in all, it was a good day, except for me getting a check in the naughty column. That part wasn’t so good.
 

​To be continued...
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Around the Farm with Elfie: Chapter 2

12/12/2020

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Due to Elfie’s misadventures yesterday with some chick named Jolene, he has enlisted help from a private security firm called Farm Dogs on Guard.
 
When I spoke with Lucy, the top-ranking officer with Farm Dogs on Guard, she stated Elfie was their very first celebrity. The famous, Elf on a Shelf family is like royalty here in America. Normally Lucy and her staff, which consist of her daughter Marilyn and son Zak, patrol the premises of a twenty-acre property known as Hybrid Hollow Farm. They prevent losses and damages by predators who regularly seek out free chicken dinners. This is the first time in the company’s history that it is, in fact...a chicken which is causing the alarm.
 
Due to Elfie’s small size and apparently...appetizing good looks, when he is outside of the residence and hanging out in areas known to be frequented by poultry, Farm Dogs on Guard will go into a heightened sense of alert to ensure his wellbeing. Non-lethal forces will be used to control crowds of curious chickens, ducks, and guineas that may gather when Elfie makes public appearances or just wants to volunteer around the farm. 

​To be continued...

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​Farm Dogs on Guard will provide Elfie with surveillance of the immediate area, while doing foot patrol if needed. Farm Dogs on Guard are most well known for their “Pretend Sleeping” maneuver, which Lucy demonstrated for this interview. While in the Pretend Sleeping mode, Farm Dogs on Guard are able to provide those in the coverage zone a calming and protected environment. Should danger appear, they spring to their feet immediately and sound the alarm if needed.... WOOF, WOOF, WOOF....calling in for backup to handle any situation swiftly, restoring calm and order to the farm.
 
Farm Dogs on Guard is a privately owned security firm which operates 24/7 and acts independently from local law enforcement agencies, which do not provide protection of livestock and/or elves.
 
This has been a public service announcement. Please return to your regularly scheduled Facebook scrolling.
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Around the Farm with Elfie: Chapter 1

12/12/2020

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​Elfie asked if he could help with chores today. Guess he felt a little guilty about eating all our pecan treats. I am not sure if he felt guilty before or after I shared his escapades on Facebook??? Either way, he did help me feed Buttercup and Dandelion.
 
All was going just fine until some Chick ran up and grabbed Elfie by his hat and took off across the yard with him. This is one of those times I’m grateful not to have neighbors. No one needs to peer out their kitchen blinds and watch me running across the yard yelling at some Chick, to leave my elf alone. I’m sure if I lived in the city, this would earn me a white jacket with extra-long arms. 
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The whole event was like some parody of Miley Cyrus doing a backyard cover of some Dolly Parton song. This Chick came in like a wrecking ball, snatched my elf and ran. I’m certain her name was Jolene. The whole incident left me singing the blues. It sounded a lot like this...” Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I’m begging of you please don’t take my elf. Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene Please don’t take him just because you can.”
 
As I was gaining on Jolene, she decided to drop Elfie and head out to the asparagus bed for a dust bath. Elfie was a bit shaken, but no worse for wear. I promised to share any and all treats I receive for Christmas with him to help settle his nerves. I told Elfie he will not need to sneak them. So, anyone that wants to send treats to Elfie, I’m happy to retrieve them from the mailbox for him, because he’s not tall enough to reach. That’s what friends do for friends. Message me for Elfie’s address if needed. He is not picky, but is especially partial to fudge, peanut brittle, and Snicker Doodle cookies with the chocolate kiss in the middle. Just saying.

To be continued...
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Introduction to my Elf on a Shelf / AROUND THE FARM WITH ELFIE

12/12/2020

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​Mom and I put our tree up. We decorated with a mix of old and new ornaments. Lots of little treasures and fond memories hang on that tree. 
​I added our elf to the tree. Didn’t think we had anything to worry about. I know folks with kids have elves causing mischief around their homes. Figured since our elf is over 50 years old, that he was probably beyond the age of causing any trouble. Boy was I wrong. 
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​I’ll be dang if the little arthritic guy didn’t muster up the energy to eat all our sugar pecan treats that our friend Deb so kindly made for us. I was being good and only eating two or three a day, making them last. Got up this morning and he’s cleaned out the container. Even licked up the crumbs. Last time I trust him to watch over any homemade goodies.

​To be continued...
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I'm Being Published!

6/23/2019

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ONLINE BOOK LAUNCH: I have “BIG” news to share. I know many of you have been suggesting I write a book. Well for many reasons I have dragged my feet...fear, finances, where do you start, how do you start, fear, fear, and a sprinkling of more fear.

Well last year at the Wildwood Art Fair a lady, Pam Wilson, entered my booth and basically nudged me off the cliff. We had a great conversation about my heritage breed photo project and my plans to do a book of the farmers and the rare breeds of livestock and poultry that they care for. Pam told me she worked for a local publisher, Davis Creative. She gave me a business card and said she would look forward to hearing from me.

So instead of doing what I might have done in the past, I mustered up the bravery to put myself out there in a world of unknowns. I met with Pam and Cathy L. Davis, founder of Davis Creative LLC. and we discussed many things and several book projects I’ve had in my head and on my computer just waiting to move forward. These ladies answered the many questions I had and put my fears to rest. Not only did they understand where I was coming from, but they were encouraging and excited about where I wanted to go.

I had been researching book publishers for a couple years, can’t tell you how nice it was to find someone local and that I could meet in person if needed...not to mention the personal attention by people that know me and understand my mission.

While I continue to work on my heritage breed photo project, I’m looking at another 2-4 years before I’m ready to publish. With that in mind, Cathy and Pam chatted with me about my other books that I hope will see the light of day. We also came up with a collection of my Facebook stories since that is what you, my friends have been asking for. Trust me...it’s in the works....maybe by next summer???

In the meantime, I have been presented with the most fabulous opportunity through Davis Creative, to write a chapter...just a single chapter, for a anthology or collection of stories by several writers. Maybe this is a baby step, feels like a giant step...but it’s a start! I’m going to be a published writer...Oh My GOODNESS!
I was challenged to write about “Positive Perspectives on Creating a Life Worth Living”. My chapter will be published in the “Living Well” Anthology. I say challenge because I’ve not been given a topic or a deadline since high school. Naturally I over thought it and made myself all nervous with absolutely no writable thoughts at all coming to mind. With the deadline looming I shut my door and told my mom she would not see me till I finished. A deadline, a deadline, a deadline....did you know my ceiling fan makes fourteen complete rotations every 17.5 seconds? I really should take my nick knacks down and dust. How did I actually learn to type, because I failed typing class? Obviously this was going nowhere fast, but somewhere, somehow I got out of my own way and I just wrote. I wrote about real life just like I do on Facebook all the time. Plain, simple, just my life as is. Low and behold, they loved it...and I beat the deadline...Whoop, Whoop!

So I am here to let everyone know that there is going to be an official “Online Book Launch” Wednesday June 26th 11:30 am to 1:30 pm. Sometime in there I will have a live interview with Cathy about my chapter and other happenings. You need to sign up or register to listen to the online launch. A link is listed below If you need help, let me know.

Then on Saturday June 29th a reception will be held to introduce those involved with the book. Copies will be available. The reception will be held at Silver Lining in Town and Country 2:00 pm - 4:00 pm. Sadly I am not able to attend this event, but please, if you are in the area...stop by...mingle, meet Cathy and Pam, several of the writers, and grab a copy of the book. I can not wait to get my hands on it, should be very inspirational and empowering. I’m honored to be a part of this project.

I’ll share more info as I can. I’ll have books at some of my shows, and on my website. I’d be happy to sign one for you if you like. This will be my first published book as a writer. I’ve been very fortunate to have my photography published in a couple books and magazines. You can find a list of them in my website. Most notable is the Whole Goat Handbook by Janet Hurst and Interpretations by the Columbia Art League.
So this is my big news I’ve been sitting on. I’m excited to finally share it with you. Fingers crossed it is well received and only the beginning of more books to come.

Cathy shared....
Join Amy Kramer Baue, Ann Baur, Kristy White-Barton, Debbie Baumoel, Lisa Bianco, Jody Budo, Michele Burghardt, Kim Carr, Patricia Eder, Kerry Ghormley, Dianne Graves, Tara Kraus Gregor, Nadine Kouba, Mikell Miller-Rush, Meaghan Shaffer, Melissa Swank, Pam Wilson . . . and more!
​
Online Book Launch registration for Wednesday June 26, 2019
I’ll be interviewed live sometime between 11:30 am and 1:30 pm. Register to follow along online.
​visitor.r20.constantcontact.com/manage/optin?v=001tWHBC2Uj9uGMdPPcTRDAT0t8mOPIN8vo72-a4Esk0886Tj283QPeWkD_nS3CizkYVP7X5PQGHgitDBugdyyORIlsuHI7FSLN2Na5bYzBURbkFXjrZQSA7cUbSr_2RMzKxqX_7qIElIRyfAKLYPpQ7FdEaqq89g85

https://visitor.r20.constantcontact.com/manage/optin…
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HERITAGE BREED PHOTO SHOOT:  Foxwood Farm Donkeys (April 9, 2018)

7/19/2018

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​I was in heaven today...donkey heaven that is! Spent some time at the Foxwood Farm in Pike County photographing four jacks and a John mule. Two of the jacks are Mammoths, which are on the endangered list.

Can’t wait to look through my shots. What a great day. All five were like big dogs, hard to get pics of because they wanted to see what I was doing and they love to be scratched. What a fun time.
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SAINT LOUIS ART FAIR PREVIEW NIGHT: 2018  (April 12, 2018)

7/19/2018

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ST. LOUIS ART FAIR PREVIEW NIGHT: Just got home from the St. Louis Art Fair (SLAF) Jury Preview Night.

Laura Miller, Executive Director, of the SLAF gave an overview of the jury process and the five judges introduced themselves as they settled in for a long weekend and important task of selecting this years line up of artists for the fair in September. With applications from across the USA, Canada, and a couple from other countries such as Argentina...the judges will spend the next three days reviewing images from which over 1,000 applicants will be cut by the time the final round of judging takes place on Sunday.

Artists are divided into two categories...2D and 3D. No set amounts in any medium are given or required. It is simply up to the judges to pick the very best line up of artists they can. It will be no easy task as the level of talent applying is impressive.
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​Preview night is a chance for all submitting artists to see their work projected as the judges will see and score upon. You also get a chance to meet the judges and view all the applicants so have a better understanding of your competition and what you are being judged alongside of.

It was a wonderful evening and I look forward to seeing what the judges come up with. By the look of tonight’s images, the judges have their work cut out for them.

I love that SLAF offers this opportunity for artists to preview all the applicants. Such a learning experience, plus it’s pretty cool to see your images projected on big screens!
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SALEIGH MOUNTAIN LEATHER COMPANY: Young Artists At Work (April 20, 2018)

7/19/2018

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Traveled to Hermann Missouri today and scored big time as I was able to purchase some original artwork by Dominic and Indigo. They have a nice studio in the back of their mom and grandmas shop, Saleigh Mountain Leather Company on 4th Street. ​
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Dominic and Indigo have a variety of subject matter they like to paint, from landscapes, dinosaurs, fishing boats, and rainbows. I of course really liked the landscapes with sheep and the one of the Apple Stand...reminded me of the Farmers Market. ​
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​Pieces will be signed and dated with the year by the artist upon purchase. Dom and Indigo’s studio is open same days and hours as the leather shop where you can find an assortment of handmade goods from handbags to saddle bags and everything in between. Tuesday-Saturday 9-5. More details can be found at
https://saleighmountain.com/
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BEYOND THE FARM GATE:  Natures Blood Pressure Medicine (April 26, 2018)

7/19/2018

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​Twice this week I’ve had the pleasure of sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. To counter balance this I’m going to hold baby ducks.

Inner harmony will be restored
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SHOW RECAP:  Best of Missouri Life Market / Powell Gardens (May 28, 2018)

7/19/2018

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​SHOUT OUT...To my college roommate Robin for helping me set up for my show this weekend and working my booth today so I could grab pictures of artists....and maybe a flower or two, or two thousand.

The show opens back up at 10:00 am tomorrow morning
(Sunday April 29, 2018)

Show...Best of Missouri Life Market

Located...
Powell Gardens
1609 NW US Highway 50
Kingsville, Mo 64061
816-697-2600

Hours...
10:00 am - 4:00 pm

General admission to the garden applies. Adults $12, Seniors $10, Kids 5-12 $5
Parking $5
Garden Members are free.

Over 70 artists, fine crafters, and artisan food & drink.

For more information, please visit
www.missourilife.com/best-of-Missouri-life-vendors/

Hope to see you there, it is a gorgeous setting.
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AROUND THE FARM:  My Pet Snake, Spot (May 9, 2018)

7/19/2018

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​My mom was not happy when she did my chores this weekend and had three snake encounters. At least she is growing up some. In the past once she saw a snake, she was done doing chores till winter freeze.

While she still is not fond of them, she has learned how to two step and do-si-do, so there are additional benefits to having snakes around besides the mice and other problem critters they might eat. It’s a whole nother story though when it comes to eating our eggs...and if my mom had seen this snake attempting to eat duck eggs!!! Well, let’s just say I named him Sean...after Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking! I’ll have to relocate him to another part of the county for his sake.

We also have a big garter snake I call Spot. He likes to hang out by the shed. I set out some water for him today. Hopefully he’s eating bugs in the shed. By the size of his girth, he’s not missing any meals.

Don’t tell my mom about Sean and Spot, maybe she won’t run into them next time she does my chores. I don’t have time to be grounded, so they best stay out of sight.
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PUPPY UPDATE:  Zak & Marilyn, 1 year and 9 months (May 10, 2018)

7/19/2018

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Puppy Update....Zak, Marilyn, and Natali helped me water cattle while Lucy slept under the house. She is wise and sleeps all day. Natali is old, so she’s retired and does whatever she wants...as for the pups...Zak is a goofball and likes to hangout wherever I go. Marilyn has become an excellent guardian and works all night with her mom, but still has energy to play with her brother and keep him in line. ​
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Marilyn is definitely the aggressor, but Zak is much bigger...so they have a mutual understanding of respect for each other. If she has a bone or the other day she had a feather to chew on...Zak will stand nearby to see if he can intimidate her. She lifts a side lip, gives him the stink eye stare, and he goes on about his business. If Zak has something good, Marilyn just ignores him, she could care less what her younger brother has or pretends to have. ​
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​Zak likes to swim and come to the house wet, wanting in on the couch. Marilyn attracts ever dirt nugget, burr, stick, and leaf that can possibly be found. I’m positive 50% of her body weight is just junk and dirt. She will be going good to the groomers in a week and a half. It will be lovely to not have half the farm dragged in the house attached to her coat.
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AROUND THE FARM:  Smoke Gets In My Eyes (May 10, 2018)

7/19/2018

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​Saving myself some money today! Was going to go to town and get my body hair waxed off so I’d look good in shorts and short sleeves this summer. Instead I saved myself time and money by singeing it all off while burning brush. Yowee, that smarts!

According to the old wives tale, Smoke follows beauty. In that case, Mother Nature must think I’m gorgeous, because I couldn’t see a thing for all the smoke in my eyes.
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AROUND THE FARM:  Natures Bug Catchers (May 15, 2018)

7/19/2018

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​Quiet morning after the storm yesterday. The baby ducks have taken to bug catching like ducks on water! 😄😄😄

Between the ducks, chickens, and guineas, they keep the insect population at a minimum. In thirty years out here I’ve maybe had three or four mosquito bites. I love it! Bad thing is, I forget not everyone has a natural army of bug eating machines. Normally takes less than a minute at someone else’s home before I become a buffet for every mosquito in a two mile radius. It’s why I seldom venture away from home.

I have wised up and now carry Skin So Soft with me to all art shows, just in case the bugs are out.
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AROUND THE FARM:  Spring Does Not Disappoint (May 17, 2018)

7/19/2018

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Spring does not disappoint. The variety of color, textures, and life are amazing.

Relocation of black snakes has become an almost daily ritual. Apparently the only thing tastier than a mouse, is a fresh laid egg. While my mouse population thrives, the egg numbers dwindle. On the plus side, the snakes are extremely gorgeous and look stunning coiled in a nest of tattered feathers while consuming a mid day snack. ​
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Another thing of abundance is duck nest. We have had three sets hatch already, and have at least four more moms in nest. It’s rare to catch a mom off her nest as the Muscovies are diligent mothers and care takers...however, everyone must take a walkabout on occasion. In the nest of feathery down, are numerous eggs. I didn’t risk counting as the mom was watching and waiting to flog me should I venture too close. 
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​A roadside poppy not far from the house, provided an exquisite pop of color that I enjoyed twice...once on my way to town, then on my return for which I stopped for a photo op. A rain storm had moved through while I was in town, leaving the bloom a little dis-shelved, but no less brilliant. When I went to visit the bloom today, sadly someone had picked it. I’m hoping another will bloom soon amongst the weeds in the roadside ditch. It’s the only poppy I see all year. I wish they were more abundant around here and that the blooms were longer lasting. I would plant some, but my critters find everything to be a delicacy. I once worked at a nursery and had every color iris, mum and rose. My place was gorgeous for about three years until my animals discovered the Floral Buffet, which only went to prove my fence building skills stunk and my choice of flowers was delicious.

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​Our Beauty Bushes are in full bloom. I’m not sure of their technical name, but I love them...as do the bees. They are a great source of food for the bees, butterflies, and hummingbirds. The bloom looks like a cross between a honeysuckle and a trumpet vine flower. Does anyone know this real name of this bush?
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AROUND THE FARM:  Pigpen Cleaning Services (May 18, 2018)

7/19/2018

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AROUND THE FARM: Celebrating a victory in court! We appeared before the judge this morning and it was unanimously decided that hence forth Marilyn’s legal name will now be Pigpen.

In other good news, Pigpen will be opening her own cleaning service....
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​Do you have an excess of mud or dirt around your yard? Is it keeping you from enjoying the great outdoors? No need to fret...Pigpens Cleaning Service will have that mess mopped up in no time flat. Pigpen Cleaning Services uses only natural fiber for picking up all that dirt and grime. No need to worry about hazardous chemicals. Pigpen Cleaning Services will roll, jump, and frolic in your dirt & mud until it is all absorbed into the natural fibers, where your dirt & grime will be whisked away and disposed of in the household of company co-owner, Kim C.
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​Hurry this offer expires soon as Pigpen Cleaning Services will be making a visit to the groomer, which will temporarily shut down Pigpen Cleaning Services until the natural fibers of this cleaning machine, are replaced. Current forms of payment being accepted....Doggie Biscuits.
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AROUND THE FARM:  How To Be More Like A Duck (May 21, 2018)

7/15/2018

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I’m taking a workshop today on “How to be more like a duck”. This workshop should help prepare me for future art shows where rain is expected....or not expected, but you get rained on anyhow.

I will be learning how to stay afloat in different water conditions, including a special breakout session on Street Floating...not taught in most water safety classes. I’ll also be learning how to let water roll off your back, different paddling techniques, and most importantly....how to remain calm in wet conditions.
There is a bonus session on how to survive on bugs and worms if you can’t make it out of your tent at lunchtime to grab something from a food vendor because it’s raining too hard. I think I’ll skip this session, but it’s good to know it’s available should I ever decide to take it.

Today’s workshop is being taught by Lawnmower Momma ( who I relocated a couple weeks ago because she built her nest on my mower). Two of her kids are helping give instruction and demos for the workshop, they are already water experts. I have much to learn. Big improvement for myself over last years Washington Art Fair where I got soaked securing my tent and art, lost my glasses that floated down the road...luckily found them the next day hung up on someone else’s tent pole...also fried my phone that got drenched in my pocket.
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This year when the rains hit at several different times, I was better able to protect my art and secure my tent...having a decent tent makes a world of difference...Thank you Bari! 💕 But now it’s time for my advanced “How to be like a duck” training. I must waddle along. Have a good day.
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    Author

    I am a Mid-Missouri farmer with a passion for photography.  My critters often serve as my inspiration for fun, light hearted photos that I utilize for a line of note cards and wall art.  I also enjoy on location photo shoots, specializing in pets, farm animals and rural settings.  www.kimcarrphotography.com

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