The closer we get to Christmas; the more excited Elfie becomes. Some would call him hyper; I think it’s just part of the holiday mischief that overcomes elves as the hustle and bustle of the big day approaches.
Of course, living in the country, hustle and bustle aren’t really part of our vocabulary...it’s more like mosey and move along little doggie. Between my mom and I, our big excitement every day is seeing how many eggs we collect. Yesterday it was ten, and to be honest we both did a little hooting and hollering. Elfie was less impressed until Grandma Jo...Which he now lovingly calls my mom, told him they could use the eggs to make cookies. That was a tone changer as Elfie danced a little jingle. He LOVES cookies and milk.
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Grandma Jo let Elfie know, before they could make cookies, she needed his help with wrapping presents. This made Elfie nearly delirious as he uses to help wrap presents at the workshop in the North Pole. Other than getting caught on the tape roll one or two times (actually thirty-seven times) Elfie did a great job and Grandma Jo was pleased to put presents for Brycen and Annabelle under the tree...Yes, not to worry, the big kids each got a present too.

All this wrapping of packages made Elfie extremely hungry and thirsty. We have been trying to watch the little guy as elves are known to overindulge, especially on sweets. We have all heard the stories of Buddy and know of his love for the sweets, especially candy, candy canes, candy corn and syrup. 

​In life sometimes lessons are learned the hard way and that is exactly what happened for my mom and I as we left Elfie unsupervised in the kitchen for like twenty seconds (actually it was closer to five minutes). Grandma Jo had fixed Elfie a plate with cookies and had poured him 2 ounces of milk to drink and dip. We left Elfie happy and content watching Frosty the Snowman on television while I shut chicken houses for the night and Grandma Jo transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer. 

Upon returning to the kitchen, we find that Elfie has eaten ALL the cookies except the two on his plate! He also filled his glass of milk to the very top, spilling the rest of it on the floor. Grandma Jo was not very happy as Elfie shouted out, “That’s why we have cats and dogs”! Grandma Jo furrowed her brow as Gypsy, Koda, Zak and Charlie G. Jefferson lapped up the spilt milk without hesitation. Elfie’s eyes twinkled just a little.

With Grandma Jo’s brow still furrowed and hands on her hips (the fake one and the real one), she said, “We made those cookies for ALL OF US”! Elfie, showing some remorse (extraordinarily little), grinned sheepishly while pointing to the saucer with two cookies, as crumbs fell from his mouth. Grandma Jo put Elfie on the spot by asking if he would of left us any cookies had we been gone longer? With this, Elfie took several big gulps of his milk and squeaked out a barely audible, “I’m sorry”. However, It was loud enough and with that, Grandma Jo unfurrowed her brow and forgave Elfie as she munched on a cookie, sipped some milk and they joined in chorus singing...Thumpety, thump, thump, thumpety, thump, thump, look at Frosty go. Thumpety, thump, thump, thumpety, thump, thump, over the fields of snow.
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To be continued...

​Yesterday morning Elfie asked if he could go out exploring the farm on his own. I explained to him that it might not be the safest thing for him to venture out without me. A beautiful bald eagle has been spotted around the pond, coyotes and a bobcat have been captured on the game cam....and we know what the chickens are capable of.
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Like most elves his age, Elfie enjoys his independence but still needs the support of his family. It was decided that Elfie could use my phone to get an Uber since they have established door-to-door safety standards. For extra security measures we contacted “Farm Dogs on Guard”. They sent one of their top officers, Marilyn, to spend the day with Elfie and his Uber. With the additional security measures in place, Elfie was able to do a wider tour of the farm without me accompanying him. I felt confident, he was in good hands (Paws, Hooves...Whatever). 

​The Uber app made it easy for Elfie to select the size ride he would feel most comfortable with. We felt the compact options were more fuel efficient but didn’t offer the safety features we were looking for. So, he settled on a mid-size SUV, which we later found out, stands for Sheepy Ultimate Voyaging. We were delighted to find out his driver would be Poppy. She has been moonlighting as an Uber driver since her summer job of mowing lawns has come to a halt until spring. Poppy stated that she does still operate a fertilizer business year-round and offers the Uber service between fertilizer application gigs.
It was noted on the app that Poppy has been known to stop along her Uber route and complete a fertilizing job, but she does her business and quickly moves on. Riders seldom complain as when booking a mid-sized SUV, they anticipate a slower paced mode of transportation. For riders seeking a somewhat faster, but still leisurely ride, Uber recommends a Granny or Gramps driver accustomed to partaking in Sunday drives.
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Looking at the app we could see Elfie’s ride was just two lawns away. He quickly packed a snack of peanuts and cola, then anxiously awaited Poppy’s arrival. She pulled right up to the door so Elfie could hop on. You should of seen the grin on his face. Elfie was so excited about his big day. Once Marilyn from Farm Dogs on Guard appeared, they were good to go. I watched as they headed off for a day of fun, waving bye with the tiniest of tears in my eye. I knew this was a special day. 

​Wanting to stay in touch, I sent my mom’s phone with Elfie and told him to take lots of pics and touch base on occasion. The Uber app allowed him to send updates about his location and estimated time of arrival at each location they visited. Elfie was most impressed by the heated seats and spectacular view his Uber ride offered.
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With Elfie safely off on his adventures, I went about my daily chores. I must say, Elfie became proficient at selfies. Taking pics of himself constantly, he quickly became the Kim K of the elf world.
First stop was to check in on Dandelion and Buttercup. Elfie got a great shot of them as they wished him a most excellent day. After visiting his friends, it was off to Billy Bobs. He heard it was like Billy Gail’s in Branson...It was NOT. No food to be found at all. This was the perfect time to snack on his peanuts and coke while moseying along down a dirt path. 

​Next, they headed out to pasture where domesticated cattle can often be found grazing the land. They were in luck; the domesticated cattle were nearby and not off over the hillside out of sight. Like a tourist at Yosemite, Elfie pressed his luck in trying to get a closeup with a domesticated cow. Marilyn, with Farm Dogs on Guard, felt the domesticated cattle were getting too pushy and it forced her into protection mode. This defensive behavior caused the domesticated cattle to back away, but not before Elfie got some great selfies. 

​By this point in the day’s adventures, Elfie and his Uber driver were growing hungry. They decided to stop at a roadside hay stand for a little something to eat and a short nap. Having refueled, Elfie, Poppy, and Marilyn headed out to visit the giant Watering Hole, which is a major attraction to the local waterfowl who call it, The Pond. It is also known to draw in visitors migrating for the season. Elfie was super excited to stop here, as part of the Watering Hole was frozen over. It reminded him of his old home up North with Mr. and Mrs. Claus.

With a full day of fun behind him, Elfie punched in home as his final destination on his Uber app. What a day, what a day, what a day.
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To be continued...

​By now Elfie was getting a little hungry. Since Grandma Jo introduced Elfie to farm fresh eggs, he cannot stop thinking about them. They are quickly becoming a favorite; they rank right up there next to cookies and milk. We decided it was time to head back to the main house for a sit-down meal. On the way back we passed a little cabin that had recently come onto the market when the mouse family moved to a larger residence where the rent was not controlled by the Feline Management Company. Elfie loved the rustic feel of the cabin, it reminded him a lot of his childhood home at the North Pole. The cabin is within easy walking distance from the pear tree, where he could dine when hungry and collect twigs for a fire since the cabin came with a chimney. (Barely visible in photo, but proof of a working fireplace)
 
Before heading back to the big house, Elfie met with the landlord, Charlie G. Jefferson and landlady, Pamela. It was then that he found out, monthly rental payments must be paid in catnip. Elfie was certain this would be in violation of the Santa “clause” he signed at birth when his parents smooshed his right foot onto an ink pad, then onto a piece of paper. It was then that Elfie was reminded, not only was he an Elf...but he was in fact...MOUSE SIZED. We decided that, even though Charlie G. and Pamela were fat on kibble, it was best that Elfie adhere to the rules and regulations of the Santa “clause” and not tempt fate.
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To be continued...

​Well, you know what they say...It’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.
Yesterday morning started out like any morning here on the farm. I was trying to get my outside chores done before the rain set in. I was in a bit of a hurry as I had to move hay for the cows, get bales tarped, pull fresh hay to pad down a nice bed for Poppy, unload the car and mix chicken feed. Not that I will melt in the rain, despite what my brother has told me for years. It’s just that doing chores dry is much more pleasant than doing them drenched.
Being a good sport, Elfie tagged along to help me as best as he could. We got some new hens about a month ago and they are starting to lay eggs...Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!!! Even the girls are shocking themselves, as you can see by the face on one of the Blue Plymouth Rock girls as she looks at her very first egg! 

​Anyhow...Elfie climbed up into a nest box to help collect eggs. Next thing I know, I hear a small pop. Looked over, thinking Elfie my gut of broken an egg, but his back had gone out. I had cautioned the little man to lift with his knees and not his back, but in his haste to get the job done, he hurt himself. I quickly rushed Elfie and the eggs into the house. My mom said she would ice Elfie’s back and let him rest, while I finished chores. Leaving Elfie in capable hands, I headed back out to mix feed. 

​Yesterday was such a beautiful day, perfect for getting some work done outside. After morning chores were done Elfie and I decided to tackle some bigger jobs around the farm. Elfie volunteered to run the dozer to push some feathers from the road. I asked if he had experience driving big equipment and he told me, back at the North Pole he would often drive the snowplow clearing a path for Santa’s sleigh for takeoff.
 
Up North Elfie would also plow paths through the snow for the reindeer so they could easily get from the barn to the garage where Santa parks his sleigh. Since we didn’t have any snow yesterday for Elfie to plow, he took it upon himself to clear the driveway of leaves (It was more like, A Leaf, but let’s not crush the elves spirit). 

​While I went on about my merry way this summer, so did the weeds. They sprung forth from the somewhat questionable fertile ground and flourished. So as Elfie dozed the drive, I went about taming the garden of weeds. These were not your regular run of the mill weeds; these were monstrous weeds and proved to be a formidable opponent. I chopped down this spiny creature and tossed it onto a pile to burn, however it had second thoughts and sprung back towards me with the speed of a jack rabbit being chased by a coyote. This was an educational moment for me, lesson learned the hard way, why you should wear gloves when working with gigantic spiny weeds. My language brought Elfie to a stop. From nowhere he pulls out a pad of paper and pencil. He begins writing feverishly a note to Santa. I apologized profusely, but Elfie explained an infraction is an infraction and must be reported. Yikes!
 

Due to Elfie’s misadventures yesterday with some chick named Jolene, he has enlisted help from a private security firm called Farm Dogs on Guard.
 
When I spoke with Lucy, the top-ranking officer with Farm Dogs on Guard, she stated Elfie was their very first celebrity. The famous, Elf on a Shelf family is like royalty here in America. Normally Lucy and her staff, which consist of her daughter Marilyn and son Zak, patrol the premises of a twenty-acre property known as Hybrid Hollow Farm. They prevent losses and damages by predators who regularly seek out free chicken dinners. This is the first time in the company’s history that it is, in fact...a chicken which is causing the alarm.
 
Due to Elfie’s small size and apparently...appetizing good looks, when he is outside of the residence and hanging out in areas known to be frequented by poultry, Farm Dogs on Guard will go into a heightened sense of alert to ensure his wellbeing. Non-lethal forces will be used to control crowds of curious chickens, ducks, and guineas that may gather when Elfie makes public appearances or just wants to volunteer around the farm. 

​To be continued...

​Farm Dogs on Guard will provide Elfie with surveillance of the immediate area, while doing foot patrol if needed. Farm Dogs on Guard are most well known for their “Pretend Sleeping” maneuver, which Lucy demonstrated for this interview. While in the Pretend Sleeping mode, Farm Dogs on Guard are able to provide those in the coverage zone a calming and protected environment. Should danger appear, they spring to their feet immediately and sound the alarm if needed.... WOOF, WOOF, WOOF....calling in for backup to handle any situation swiftly, restoring calm and order to the farm.
 
Farm Dogs on Guard is a privately owned security firm which operates 24/7 and acts independently from local law enforcement agencies, which do not provide protection of livestock and/or elves.
 
This has been a public service announcement. Please return to your regularly scheduled Facebook scrolling.

​Elfie asked if he could help with chores today. Guess he felt a little guilty about eating all our pecan treats. I am not sure if he felt guilty before or after I shared his escapades on Facebook??? Either way, he did help me feed Buttercup and Dandelion.
 
All was going just fine until some Chick ran up and grabbed Elfie by his hat and took off across the yard with him. This is one of those times I’m grateful not to have neighbors. No one needs to peer out their kitchen blinds and watch me running across the yard yelling at some Chick, to leave my elf alone. I’m sure if I lived in the city, this would earn me a white jacket with extra-long arms. 

The whole event was like some parody of Miley Cyrus doing a backyard cover of some Dolly Parton song. This Chick came in like a wrecking ball, snatched my elf and ran. I’m certain her name was Jolene. The whole incident left me singing the blues. It sounded a lot like this...” Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I’m begging of you please don’t take my elf. Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene Please don’t take him just because you can.”
 
As I was gaining on Jolene, she decided to drop Elfie and head out to the asparagus bed for a dust bath. Elfie was a bit shaken, but no worse for wear. I promised to share any and all treats I receive for Christmas with him to help settle his nerves. I told Elfie he will not need to sneak them. So, anyone that wants to send treats to Elfie, I’m happy to retrieve them from the mailbox for him, because he’s not tall enough to reach. That’s what friends do for friends. Message me for Elfie’s address if needed. He is not picky, but is especially partial to fudge, peanut brittle, and Snicker Doodle cookies with the chocolate kiss in the middle. Just saying.

To be continued...
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​Mom and I put our tree up. We decorated with a mix of old and new ornaments. Lots of little treasures and fond memories hang on that tree. 

​I added our elf to the tree. Didn’t think we had anything to worry about. I know folks with kids have elves causing mischief around their homes. Figured since our elf is over 50 years old, that he was probably beyond the age of causing any trouble. Boy was I wrong. 

​I’ll be dang if the little arthritic guy didn’t muster up the energy to eat all our sugar pecan treats that our friend Deb so kindly made for us. I was being good and only eating two or three a day, making them last. Got up this morning and he’s cleaned out the container. Even licked up the crumbs. Last time I trust him to watch over any homemade goodies.

​To be continued...